Fighter

Hmmm... Well, usually the 8th day of any month turns out to be good. This is definitely an exception.

First, I wasn't myself when biking. I had to stop a lot to take away the urge to puke. I pushed it too hard. Good thing Rock was patient with me. It was like 10-12pm in broad daylight. And I FELT LIKE I WAS IN SOMEONE'S MOUTH and that I was going to faint. We had lunch and talked about his life. That part was fun. But the disappointment in myself overshadowed the good bits of today. WHY?

Basically, I missed the honor shit by 0.1.. Because I got a C. If it were a C+, I would have made it. I screwed up the orals, but my paper was damn good. But there, and that's what I hate being a "grade grubber" but I guess it's because I'm going to Law School. And I know that this is the semester that I had the most time in doing school stuff. Unlike before... And unlike the upcoming one. All my A, B+ grades are now shot to shit because of a C. AND I JUST WANT FUCKING NORMAL GRADES. I hate the pressure I get when I actually do good. It's the other way around with me.

They tell me to contest my grade. And that's my mom's biggest frustration in me. The fact that I give up. If that's the grade, so be it attitude...

She asks me why I have so much energy in fighting for everyone else's right, but not fight for myself. When I want or deserve something, I let it go. I always play it safe... She says it's not the grade. It's the face that I fight for the people around me, but not me.

That's true.

And the scars will explain why.